It’s been a while…

…and I miss uni so much! I don’t miss the lectures or the long dull essays but I do miss the people, the silly societies, the events and the fun creative assignments. Of course, there’s still plenty of creative stuff to get on with. Am working on three novels. One is being edited, the other is a fantasy epic whilst the other is a much shorter children’s book that I am writing for my little sister. Hopefully I’ll have it finished before she’s too old for it. I also plan to audition for a Vicar of Dibley play which is exciting but terrifying all at once. It’s been ages since I did any public speaking and even longer since I did any acting. Deep breaths…

Still haven’t found what you would call a proper job. I work part time in a kitchen but have applied for some jobs more suited to me and have an interview next week. Only problem is, it’s in Ipswich. Never even been there before. So here’s hoping I don’t get lost. As for graduate jobs, I’m keeping my eyes open and applying for paid internships. My ideal career would involve a lot of freelancing so am setting up my own projects. The first is a new website where I review books and write articles about writing.

Any exciting news in my life right now…not really, except!!!! I must tell you of this most amazing drink. Get yourself some white hot chocolate, pour in a dash of milk, stir, then add two small spoons of vanilla syrup, stir, hot water, stir (lots of stirring) and you get a heavenly drink resembling hot melted milky bars. Mmmmm!

Creeps on the Street

Why can’t we all just be polite to each other and treat people like actual human beings, regardless of gender? I can’t be the only one who’s fed up of being harassed in the street and being scared to walk alone at night. It’s summer now and I find myself hesitating whether or not to wear dresses and shorts just because I’m sick of guys whistling at me and pestering me. I feel this need to cover up, even when it’s sweltering hot. Not that it seems to make a difference what I wear. And for those who say this sort of attention should be taken as a compliment – IT’S NOT. It’s just creepy. I am able to tell the difference between someone who’s paying me a sincere compliment and someone who’s just sees women as objects. Street harassment happens way too often and happens to too many people. It might not seem like a big deal but it sure is bloody annoying. In this past week, I have had three different guys pester me in some way. Just a stupid comment here and a wolf whistle there. Even when I’m just being my normal scruffy awkward self! Don’t get me wrong. On the whole, the men in my life are caring and intelligent. There are just a few guys out there who need to change their attitudes. I thought I would share this video because this girl can explain things so much better than me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=peBddZQbWYk

Things that may happen on a Drama course…

  • You may freak out your flatmates as they overhear you rehearsing and have to convince them that you aren’t as insane as you sounded.
  • You may cover yourself in a strange combination of liquids, all for the sake of ‘art’.
  • On a good day, you’ll think you’re sooooo smart just because you are surrounded by books about philosophy, history, psychology, culture and more!
  • But then you remember that the other day you were pretending to be a wild animal and some people were getting so into it that they actually tried to sniff your bum. And then you cringe some more as you remember that you actually hissed back at them.
  • But what about all these intellectual debates? The ones which go on forever and it turns out in the end that nobody really believed in what they were arguing for in the first place.
  • You might find that some drama exercises result in tears because you went too deep into your own brain.
  • Then again, some days you’ll be back to shouting at curtains and walls and wondering what the hell you are even learning.
  • You will question your sanity, especially when you’re pretending to be escaping from a crocodile in a sewer.
  • You might be told that you make a beautiful dead body and not be sure whether you were being complimented or insulted.
  • You may spit ketchup all over the person who is marking your performance (but that might just be me).
  • You will wonder if your degree will be worth anything.
  • You may realise that acting is one of the silliest things you can do and that it doesn’t really make any sense. But you’ll still love it.
  • You’ll laugh a lot, cry a bit and bash your head against the wall. But you’ll have a lot of fun and wonder where the time went.
  • Jazz hands.

noo

Diddleydum

This is just a quick and random blog update because I hate leaving it blank for so long. First, my new favourite joke…

The present, past and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Teehee…yeah, well I thought it was funny, but then again, I find almost anything funny.

It’s been such a productive day. Been a bit quiet with only the dogs to keep me company, but I’ve done lots of work on my assignments, a little housework, more guitar practice, job hunting and have rekindled my love of Selandris (current novel). Did have a bit of a mad moment when I started randomly singing Disney songs but I’ve stopped now which is something I’m sure the neighbours will be happy about. Anyway, I’m sure you don’t want to hear about any of this.

So…how’s life? That’s kind of my catchphrase these days. As is the phrase “diddleydum” for some reason, hence the title of this post. So what is new in the life of Amy? Not much. In one week, I’m back to the mysterious land of Ormskirk. Only for about another week and then it’s all over. Just need to hand in my assignments. Not even sure if I even have any classes. Hmm, we’ll see.

Then, graduation! Argh. I get the feeling that it’s going to be really boring but I feel like I have to go because it’s the only chance I’ll get (most likely). Then again, I’d much rather save the hassle of going all the way to Liverpool again and just have a ‘wild’ party at home. Hmm, sounds like a good idea actually. I may have to think about that. I’m not one for posh ceremonies anyway and it takes flipping ages to get to Ormskirk and anyone who knows me knows how impatient I get and how much I hate long car rides. They make me want to gnaw my hands off. Okay, so I exaggerate…

That’s it from me…although I do have another joke…hehehe…but you’ll have to scroll down to see it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

th

I lied.

Happy Times :)

Yep, still working on that script assignment and even though am handing it early, will still put it off a bit longer by writing pointless blog entry. Hello.

First thing I need to say is…WOOP! I go home for the Easter hols in a couple of days *insert little happy dance here*. Looking forward to seeing everyone again and can’t wait to take my little sister to see the Muppets and do an Easter Egg hunt for her. Also going to try and sort out this really cool volunteering opportunity so I’d better brush up on my interview skills. Seriously, I am awful and still cringe when I remember the following conversation that actually happened during an interview…Interviewer: “So, how did you get to where you are today?” Me: “I walked.” Well, it was true. I did walk. But somehow, I don’t think that was the answer they were looking for.

business-cat-meme-generator-show-up-at-interview-with-a-tie-forget-pants-3ca099

But anyway, university is coming to an end now. It’s going to be sad to say goodbye. Edge Hill’s become like a second home to me and I’ve grown up loads these past three years (at least I like to think I have). Sorry, I’m having flashbacks and am starting to think that maybe university has actually made me more childish. Okay, let me rephrase. I’ve gained lots of confidence in the past three years and this confidence has given me the illusion of having grown up when in fact I’m just as childish as I’ve always been.

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Still no idea what I want to do with my life but I’m cool with that now.  I watched Benjamin Button the other day (cried like a baby as always) and there are some really good messages. One of which was that there are no rules to life. So maybe it’s okay not to know what you want to do. As long as you’re happy. And I’m very happy. See = 😀

Slowly Going Mad

Things are starting to get weird. I haven’t updated this blog for a while but now, I need to take a break from my screenplay for just a second and this is a good distraction. I’ve just introduced a new character. A pigeon, who’s sort of a spy pigeon (if they exist) who goes by the name of Feathers and enjoys watching cartoons. Seriously, when I started writing this, it was just a plain sci-fi drama but it seems I can’t write anything serious anymore. I then accidentally made myself laugh: “Protesters were apprehended this morning outside of the Houses of Parliament. It is said that they were arguing against the reinstatement of the death penalty. They have been executed.” Not sure if this is even funny but for some reason it amused me. Maybe I just have a dark sense of humour? Bugger! This is not meant to be funny. It’s about debating issues to do with human rights. Well, in part. Mainly it’s about how cool it would be to have technology that enables people to watch, record and influence dreams. Cool, but creepy. I’ve been keeping a dream journal too. Why you may ask? Oh, I don’t know. For fun? Anyway, if anyone were to watch my dreams, they’d probably think I was mad. Just the other night, I dreamt I was a tiny little fairy with sparkly wings. A few nights before that I was a super villain flying above the sea and then another night, I mysteriously transformed into a baked bean. Actually, last night was kind of creepy. I was on some sort of big adventure when suddenly I was being stalked by this thing called ‘the breath’ which was basically just this sinister breath on the air that followed me wherever I went and made me really ill and evil. Spooooky. Aren’t dreams fun? That’s all from me for now. Back to the screenplay…let’s see where it goes.

Heaven

Heaven

the moon fades

unfamiliar scenes

and she plays again

when summer shone

she stopped breathing

never to come back again

slipping away to say hello

to those we loved

and lost again

were this a dream

the oceans would freeze

and nobody would cry again

as she would just be sleeping like

today was yesterday again.

Image

As it had been ages since I put up any work, this is a poem that doesn’t fit in with the rest of my portfolio. I hope you like it. Feel free to offer any criticism. It’s always useful. Thank you for reading. 🙂

Update for Family and Friends Back Home :)

I started this blog as another way to keep in touch with friends and family back home but recently, I kinda forgot this and have been rambling and ranting and moaning (sorry). So, I thought it would be nice to actually tell you what I’ve been up to recently. If you’re interested?

Nothing overly exciting I’m afraid but hopefully when I graduate, I’ll be more free to do the things I really want to do. Like get a proper job, volunteering, work on all my writing projects and get back in touch with all the friends I’ve not been keeping very good contact with these past couple of years (sorry again).

First, university. It’s taking up my entire life! Luckily, all the long-winded essays are done. Now it’s the creative stuff so am currently working on writing the first few chapters of a novel, a screenplay and a portfolio of poetry. Then there’s this manifesto which will involve me dressing up as a pirate in a few weeks time as I take people on an interactive story in search of my lost treasure, arrr!

Still no job, and there seems little point getting one now. I finish completely by the beginning of May! Terrifying but exciting all at once. I sort of volunteer with the student radio but it’s just the one show a week. Mondays 9-11 if anyone fancies tuning in. I normally manage to embarrass myself at least once every show so that’s worth tuning in for, hehehe. If university has taught me one thing, it’s not caring when I do something stupid. I’ve also learnt that it’s still okay for adults to dress up in silly outfits (hence the pirate thing). 

Am also trying to be more healthy but am struggling to fit in my five a day. I’m managing about 3 a day but that’s better than none a day. It’s a sort of new years resolution even though I only really started this a couple weeks ago. Hopefully, will get back into running too. Probably will be doing the Sport Relief Mile if anyone wants to join me?

Lastly, you may have heard I submitted a novel to the Harper Voyager thing. Weeeelll, I was getting very excited because they put up an update saying they would let everyone know what is happening by 31st January. Still heard nothing (not since last January when they said my novel was under review). I’m not the only one though, and a couple of offers have gone out since this date so it’s not all over, hopefully. In the least, this experience has given me a lot more confidence about my work. Just got to start believing in myself I suppose.

That’s all from me, it’s late, I’m tired and I miss you all. x

You don’t like clubbing? Oh, you must be boring!

Who else has heard this? Well, not in those exact words but it’s close enough. Isn’t it so annoying? Here’s the other side of the argument. It’s been on my mind for some time.

Clubs aren’t for everyone. Personally, I find the majority of the music played in them is terrible and that the place normally stinks. On numerous occasions, I have found myself separated from the people I came out with, left getting hit on by some creep who won’t take no for an answer.

“Please don’t get offended.” This is what I have often wanted to say to well-meaning people who have tried to get me to go clubbing with them. It’s horrible when people act like it’s personal. It used to make me feel so guilty because I so badly wanted to get to know them but I just couldn’t stand the thought of going to a club, yet again!

What’s so fun about getting puked on, cutting your feet on broken glass, having men look at you like a piece of meat, wolf whistling and grinding up against you. I don’t find this behaviour attractive at all. What’s wrong with actually getting to know people?

This doesn’t happen every time, but then other times, I’ll just be bored and gradually be getting a headache from all the lights and noise. I hate coming back from a night out and having such bad tinnitus that you can barely hear anything.

I’ve tried to explain myself before but people just used to tell me that it would be more fun if I drank. But I do and it makes no difference. Give me a pub any day. They have way more atmosphere. Plus, pool tables! I am still terrible at pool by the way.

And to those who say I’m missing out by choosing not to go clubbing and that it’s what university is all about. I have to disagree. I did not come to university thinking it was going to be one big party and just because I don’t go clubbing, it doesn’t mean I haven’t had my fair share of weird/crazy experiences. But then again, I am a drama student…

University is also about broadening your horizons, figuring things out and becoming a more well rounded and confident person. I’m not saying that you can’t do both: party hard and acheive. That would be stupid. But don’t you wish people understood? Everyone is different and just because they don’t like what you like, doesn’t make them boring. To anyone whose ever moaned at me for this, try getting to know me and then you’ll see that I am in no way dull. Can you just accept me, and other non-clubbers, for who we are rather than insulting us?

Thanks,

Amy x

Warning: Angst

Hi there! I I’ve wanted to write about this topic for a very long time but have never been able to find the right words. I should warn you that I talk about some personal things and I know that some people get annoyed by this sort of blog. So if you don’t like reading posts like that, then I suggest you stop reading now. If you don’t mind, then here goes…

Why do bullies bully? Is it because they learned that behaviour from parents, siblings or other family members? Do they have problems at home? Does this make them angry with no way of being able to express this anger? Maybe they’re just bored. In the case of bullying (and some people may accuse me of being too nice here), help should be given to both the one doing the bullying and the victim. There are two sides to every argument. Of course, victims tend to get the most acknowledgement. They’re seen as the vulnerable ones but I think those who do the bullying can be just as vulnerable. That’s not to say that they shouldn’t be disciplined for their behaviour but I even feel bad referring to bullies as bullies because not all of them remain that way throughout life. For instance, children who pick on others will probably change their ways as they grow up and realise how wrong their actions were.

I understand this is not always the case and I am not taking the side of the bully. All I’m trying to say is that they should be helped just as a victim is. Still, victims aren’t always given the help they need. Growing up, I always got the sense that the schools didn’t care what went on. They had the opinion that ‘kids will be kids’ and there was very little they could even do. Sometimes it felt like they couldn’t see the damage that was being done.

For example, I was always the quiet kid, but I was confident enough and had lots of friends. That was until high school. I went to three high schools and was bullied at all of them. It made me feel like it wasn’t just a coincidence. There had to be something the matter with me. Why else would these unrelated groups of kids be singling me out and picking on me? I never got a reason as it was always physical. They never called me names or anything so the ‘sticks and stones’ thing people say didn’t really help.

I was hit in the head almost every day by older boys, had people chasing me home, pulling my hair, kicking my ankles until they bled and scribbling on my face with marker pen. They would shove me over so that I fell into the garden’s of strangers who just watched as if nothing was happening. I was shoved against walls, accused of being a pregnant slut and of being a drug dealer. They would try and get me to fight them. One time, they threatened to kill me. These were not happy times.

I remember, the adults used to say, oh enjoy high school, they’re the best times of your life and when you leave you’ll be wishing to go back. Yeah, right. Teachers used to try and give me advice. The most obvious one was ‘ignore them’. This did nothing. I tried standing up for them once. Well, I was terrified. All I managed to do was slap someone’s arm. This made things worse. If there is something I am proud of though, it is how, I never let them make me cry.

But still, it got quite bad and my friends started being targeted, just for hanging out with me. That’s when I started going round on my own and I’m still wary of people to this day even though I know I have no reason to be. I was just unlucky. But the damage has been done, and no matter what I tell myself, I am still the anxious awkward loner that I am today. Some days are better than others of course but I fear I’ll never be able to be as socially happy as I want to be. (Is socially happy even a term, or did I just make that up?)

On the other hand, everything I’ve been through has made me the person I am today and I don’t think I’m that bad. If anything, I’m stronger than I used to be and I’ve been able to give younger friends going through similar things some quite good advice. And nowadays, I don’t hold any grudges.The people who bullied me might be doing really well for themselves. They might be really nice people now. Who knows? These things did happen quite a number of years ago now and to quote The Lion King –  the past can hurt. But you can either run from it, or learn from it.

Apologies. This was quite a personal entry but I haven’t been able to talk about my experiences to anyone and it didn’t feel right keeping it all bottled inside after all these years. And as you may know, I express myself much better through writing than talking about things. If anyone wants to chat about similar experiences, I’m happy to help out. I know how lost these sorts of things can make a person feel but always remember, you’re not alone.

Love,

Amy x

P.S. Debating whether or not to actually post this….oh, who cares. Publish