Apologies

I know it’s not Xmas any more but I found this and it made me laugh. A letter from me to Santa, written in 2005. Being 13, I normally wouldn’t have bothered but this was a piece of English homework, so it had to be done. I’m glad I did it. Anyway, here goes…

Dear Santa

I am writing to let you know what I would like for Christmas. I have been quite a good girl this year although not as good as last year. This year I don’t think you should eat to many mince pies as you are getting a bit big. Weren’t you supposed to be a little elf who wore blue all the time? You must be angry at the coca cola company for turning you red. How do you get around without being seen?

I know this year hasn’t been a very good year but I have done well at school and have got two praise sheets. I’ve nearly finished my Christmas shopping and even bought the cats a stocking. I do the washing up nearly every night and try my best to keep my room tidy. When you come round this Christmas I will make sure my room is neat and I will try to be in bed by one o’clock in the morning. I would try to get to sleep earlier but my friend Nyssa is staying over and we could stay up all night chatting about nonsense and having pillow/teddy fights.

This year I would like: an MP3 player; my own tub of Twiglets; chocolate and some slipper socks. For Christmas my brother would like me to shut up so please can you ignore him. I cant stay quiet on Xmas. In return I will give you some biscuits and a glass of milk. Also I will give Rudolph a carrot fresh from our fridge. I will be even better behaved next year so next Christmas can I also have a CD that I’m going to want.

Please try to remember that on Xmas eve I will be round my mums and so you might need to come and deliver some presents early. Thank you and merry Xmas!

Yours Sincerely,

Amy.

 

Erm, yeah, I have nothing more to say about this.

One of those days

What do you do to cheer yourself up after one of those days?

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 You know the ones I mean. When every little thing goes wrong. For example; one of those days where your alarm wakes you up from an amazing dream that you can’t get back to. One of those days, you wake up to the news that you did rather badly in an assignment. One where you print off some work, go to collect it only to find it’s not there and there’s no time left to find a computer and print it off again. A day when you have no motivation so you just sit in class feeling completely blank, not able to concentrate, you stare out the window, you try and be interested in what everyone’s saying but it’s going in one ear and out the other. You wish you could actually get on with some proper writing only you have no ideas, so you go on Sims and make sim versions of The Avengers just because you can. You’ve wasted an hour now, there’s no getting it back. You call yourself a proper writer?

But then I remember, that none of these things are even important. I’m stupid and self-absorbed if I let them annoy me. There’s such horrible things going on in the world and I am lucky to have such a good life.

So, with my new perspective, I twist everything around. I write about the amazing dream, wondering where it will lead. I forget the work I should have printed off, I now have an extra week to work on it. I put on some brilliant music to give myself some energy and motivation. Later, I’m sure I will appreciate my Avenger sims and realise that they were fun to make and that any time wasted doing something you enjoyed was not time wasted at all. I remember every happy conversation, every passing smile and laughs that came out of today and realise that perhaps this was not a bad day after all. Why not focus on the good little things for a change? 

Oh, and as I mentioned The Avengers…hehehe

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Back again for the final term –

– and thank goodness it’s only the ‘fun’ assessments left to do. I’m using the word ‘fun’ loosely here. I know, I know. I chose to be here, it’s all my fault e.t.c. I shouldn’t moan. And it’s true, I’ve had some great (and sometimes weird) times here at Edge Hill.

This last term really will be a mix of emotions. On the one hand, I’ll be jumping up and down with excitement, ready to go out into the big old world. I’ll be fed up, stressed, impatient to get it all over with. The next minute, I’ll be panicking about not being able to get a job, wondering whether I’ve wasted these past three years and annoyed because I know that going home means losing a little more of this independence I’ve gained. So then I’ll think to myself, hang on, please let this student life last a little longer, I’ve only just got started. I’m not feeling any of these yet and am actually quite positive at the moment but I know it won’t last. Anyone else preparing themselves for an emotional roller coaster? Let’s just hope it’s nothing like that crash in Final Destination (on another note, I’m really not keen on those films).

Also, I know I’m not easy to get to know but I’ve truly met some great people and I’ll miss everyone I’ve met these past three years, even those I don’t talk to much (don’t take it personally, I’m more of a listener anyway, even amongst closer friends). Sorry to be sentimental, but I’ve recently realised that I’m probably never going to see anyone from uni once I graduate. Sad, isn’t it. But I suppose that’s what happens when you choose a uni on the other side of the country.

Oh, and as I’ve recently realised you can put images in posts, so here’s a cute photo to brighten your day.

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Now doesn’t that look cosy.

You said it, Frodo…

immeemeages

Two nights of amazing entertainment! I’ve really enjoyed watching the performances and am glad that at least my own act wasn’t a complete disaster. Can you believe, I actually managed to remember all my lines. As far as I know.

Now I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve been so focused on this performance these past two weeks, it’s now weird not to need to think about it anymore. All I know is, I need a nice long sleep. Even been getting nightmares lately, which is odd. Haven’t had bad dreams in ages. I suppose everyone reacts to stress in different ways. Thanks to everyone for being so supportive. I really am a bundle of nerves sometimes.

Talking of nightmares, I don’t really mind them. Sure, they make me jump in my bed like a frightened rabbit but blimey do I get some really cool story ideas from them. Bring it on, brain. Try and scare me, I dare you!

You know, I think people get the impression that I’m a wimp because I’m all sweet, innocent and mousey and I sometimes faint at the sight of blood and I hate scary films…ok, I take that back, I am a total wimp. But for some reason I love horror stories. My theory is it’s because a book has never made me jump whereas films do. I really hate being made jump. Argh!

Anyway, I’ve gone off topic. Ciao!

Christmas Cheer

I’m glad it’s nearly Christmas but it’s hard to feel Christmassy when your mind is focused on everything else. I’m panicking about this performance because I am yet to rehearse my piece without stumbling over my words and getting stuck even though I know what I’m going to say off by heart. I also have essay writer’s block which is annoying. Then, whenever I feel all happy about going home, I get this little niggling voice in my head reminding me of the essay and research paper I’ll have to do over those weeks. Still, I’m enjoying the Christmas songs, I’ve got myself a Xmas hat and have decorations up in my room. Probably, once this cabaret is over with, I’ll feel much better. Just going to try and enjoy it. And I’ve heard my family back home have been having a bad week and are also not feeling the Xmas yet. Well, when I get back, I’ll be putting up my tree, wrapping pressies and playing Xmas songs really loudly, so fair warning. The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to sing loud for all to hear!

Naked Zombies!

Seriously, I don’t know how to get around this. Argh! The images people will be plagued with if they decide to read the sequel to Crystal Guardian! Maybe I should explain…

I have decided to start writing the sequel to my first novel (which admittedly still needs some work itself). Now, there are these beings in this novel that, when killed, they end up encased in crystal until they can be resurrected. I had this idea that something would happen that would bring all these half-dead people back to life as zombie like creatures.

The problem is, it’s been established that when these people are encased magically into crystal, their clothes do not go with them so now the way my story is going, we’re going to have a load of naked zombies running around. Maybe I should just go with it.

As for Crystal Guardian, there have been no Harper Voyager updates for aaages, so as far as I know, I’m still in the final 550/4500-ish. I can’t remember the numbers exactly. Still quite chuffed about this because I never thought any of my stuff was any good. Fingers crossed.

Anyway, just a short blog today. I just wanted to share the ‘naked zombies’ thing. I thought it was a bit of a funny problem.

Omigosh, what the hell am I going to do!?

If this is you, stop! Take a breath, go ommmmmmmm. Still with me?

This was me a couple of months back. I thought I would share my train of thoughts on how I stopped panicking. I had been worried about what to do after university for ages. I was even considering staying on and studying at postgrad, not because I thought it would help my career but simply because I was too scared to leave.

But after seventeen years of education, I’ve had enough! I need to get out of the classroom, get my head out of the books and actually get some proper work experience. I do have a little experience already in a wide range of things and although it didn’t seem like much at the time, looking back, I see now that every little helped. I’ve worked in a kitchen, done a few charity shop shifts (not many but hey, at least I sort of know how to use a till now), mentoring (online and in-person), radio presenting, weeding (harder than it sounds, I’ve only done it a couple of times but being out for hours in the hot sun = phew!), and I’ve had experience in first aid and working with kids. Perhaps I could use these to my advantage somehow.

My advice to people also struggling would be to look at every little thing they’ve done and you’ll see that you’ve done so much more than you originally thought. Make a list if you want. I do love a good list. Personally, I was worried because I felt so inexperienced, like I hadn’t done anything at all. But actually, I have a little experience in lots of areas and I will have learned something in every one of these experiences.

What don’t I want to do? I don’t want to stay on in full time education. In the future, I may do a part time course but for now, no more! It’s becoming way too stressful. Learning used to be fun. I don’t want to get a job that I’ll hate or be stuck in which is why I’m being very selective about where I’m applying to. Maybe it’ll take longer to find somewhere and even though these choices aren’t permanent, they’re still important. I need to take my time, but not too much time. I don’t want to be unemployed for ages and ages.

My advice in this area would be to keep your mind open and think outside the box. I bet there’s hundreds of amazing jobs out there that hardly anyone’s ever heard of. I’m just going to keep digging.

In the meantime, no panicking. I’m not so worried anymore. Even though none of my applications so far have been successful. All I can do is keep trying and I know I’ll find my place somewhere. It might just take a while.

Feeling Nostalgic

I’m in a particularly nostalgic mood today. Just been thinking about how lucky I’ve been to have such a great childhood. Sure, there were bad times, everyone has those, but the good times far outweighed the bad ones and for this, I am so grateful. I put it down to having such a wonderful family who I love to bits!  I also grew up in such a great place. By saying this next thing, I’m really not helping the Norfolk stereotype of everyone living on farms, but yes, technically I grew up on a farm. It wasn’t ours, we just happened to live in the bungalow on the farm. There weren’t any animals either, apart from some cows a couple minutes down the road which made the place smell bad sometimes.

Some of my best memories are of playing outside in the barnyard and fields. It was such a fun place to live in. I think it probably contributed to the vivid imagination I have today. I could easily spend hours out there, even if I was on my own, going off on imaginary adventures. I remember it snowed one day, and I wanted to  play but for some reason no-one else wanted to come with me. So I packed a bag full of pencils, paper and food supplies and went off pretending I was an explorer. I climbed to the top of this large mound of dirt and pretended it was a mountain. After enjoying the view, I jumped off. It was much higher than I had expected and the snow below was actually quite thin spread so I ended up going splat into the concrete. Luckily, I only got scrapes but I remember being more annoyed that I had grazed the plastic on my Eeyore pencil case. Still a great adventure!

Also, confession time. I may regret admitting this but I once spent a whole afternoon by myself roaming the garden and the fields playing Digimon. I had one of those toy digivices which have that inbuilt pedometer and so you only get battles if you’re on the move. Actually, I have two digvices (yes I still have them, only one works now as one sustained quite a nasty drop.)

Of course, I usually wasn’t by myself. Usually I played games with my little brother, Billy. We would go to this magical world where if you took your toys and teddies, they would come to life. Billy never wanted to play magical girly games though so I ended up inventing all these more boyish games for us to play – we would watch the cars go past our house and try to guess which colour the next one would be, pretending we were watching a car race; we would play Pokémon and take in turns to play the Pokémon and the trainer. I even tried wrestling but I just liked to invent the different characters rather than the play fighting aspect of it. That was more big brother, Robert’s department.

The shape of our house was awesome too because you could stand at one end of the garden and throw a football over the roof to the other person standing at the other end of the garden. It was fun until the ball got stuck in the huge jungle of a conniver hedge. Seriously, I got annoyed for ages because I lost my brand new football in there and we never ever found it.

I could talk for days about childhood memories but I have a lot of work to be getting on with. Remembering the past can be fun, but we mustn’t forget to focus on the present too.

Not long until Xmas…

…and I’ve actually managed to keep a blog going. I’ve really surprised myself. At the moment, I’m just sitting here, putting off working on my puppet show script which is going terribly. I think I’m trying too hard to be funny and it’s just not working. I’m funnier when I’m not trying to be funny. At least I have ice cold Dr Pepper to cheer me up. Well, actually, it’s not working either because I’m freezing cold now, even with a jumper on. I must be in one of those moods where everything’s just not quite right. Maybe I’ve been stressing too much. It’s that time of year where university takes over my life and my social life becomes almost non-existent. It’s been the same every November – December. Blimey, I’m so excited for Xmas! It can’t come soon enough.

Talking of Xmas, the one thing university has taught me is the value of home. Before, I had never been away from home long enough to feel overly emotional about returning and I was stunned by how effected I was the first time I came home after three months. Before university, I don’t think I had ever cried happy tears before. It was a strange experience.

Going home’s great. First, there’s the normal child-like excitement that you get before Xmas (yes, I’m still a big kid and Christmas is the best time of year!), then there’s the six hours on a train which I kind of enjoy. I end up talking to some very interesting people and seeing some quirky characters. One year, I met someone who had a gerbil with him. I’d never met a gerbil on the train before. Another time, there was this Chinese couple trying to teach English to a German bloke. I didn’t know how to explain that they were teaching him the wrong words. Then there was this scruffy looking man who fell asleep across two seats and for a moment I was worried he was dead, that was awkward. Hmm, who else? I met a lovely old lady once who chatted with me for about an hour because she said she was fascinated by young people. I don’t know if I could’ve kept that conversation up for another four hours so was a little glad when she got off the train.

I have my own traditions too – Xmas Doctor Who magazine and lots of nibbles. It’s basically an excuse to laze around doing whatever the hell you want all day whilst enjoying a marvellous view so it’s quite cool really. Anyway, 15 days until I go home!!!

Brilliant Books

Book nerd alert! I felt like writing about the books I’m reading right now. In class, we’re always told to write a journal of what we read and I am yet to do so. This is kind of a journal so I’ll just type away and do some reviewing and recommending of books I am reading now or have read recently.

Harry Potter – not a series I’ve read recently but as it’s my favourite book series of all time and I’m writing about books I recommend, I couldn’t leave this one out! Was a little obsessed with these when I was younger and have now read each at least five times. Being aimed at kids, the first three do have quite a simple and child friendly tone but they do mature in later books. My favourite is the Half Blood Prince even though for some reason that’s my least favourite film. I can’t help but compare the books to their film counterparts. It was the film I watched first. I read Chamber of Secrets when I was nine-ish because I wanted to know what happened next. Next thing you know, I’m hooked. Then there was a brief moment of time when I became indifferent again, but then after Dad bought me the fifth book with a token I won at a school celebrations evening, I became hooked once again and still am a huge fan. I probably know too much Harry Potter trivia, it’s unhealthy. The seventh book is the only book I have ever waited in line at midnight to get. So yeah, I recommend it. It’s not the best technically written book ever but it’s one of the most vivid and fleshed out worlds I have ever visited via the page.

Lord of the Rings – I haven’t actually finished this one and when I started reading this, I thought it was going to be too difficult and boring. Then I got into it and it’s actually alright. Like Harry Potter, I do have a tendency to compare it to the film. I read parts – like the Tom Bombadil scenes – and imagine how interesting it would’ve been to see this done on screen. If I remember rightly, the hobbits nearly get eaten by trees or something. I also enjoy reading little pieces of information about hobbit life and character family backgrounds that I don’t think are in the films. After reading the book, I find I appreciate the film a lot more.

The Hobbit – Admittedly, I’m getting a little bored of this one. It is the only book where I’ve enjoyed the film more. Sometimes I think I read too many books that have been turned into films but it’s probably because as well as being a book nerd, I’m such a film nerd too. Basically, I just love stories. 

Inkheart – Hooray, a book I’ve read, that’s been turned into a film, with me not having seen this film. I don’t really want to either. The book was so beautiful and really brought the characters to life for me. I don’t want to watch the film and have the characters I imagine in my head to be replaced by the film versions. I find this has happened with Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit. Not so much in Harry Potter.

Harry Potter again – In H.P, I imagine some characters as the film versions but others I have my own imagining of. The settings I imagine as I read are basically the same as in the film though. Characters I imagine differently are, Harry, Ron and Hermione. There are little things as well like, I imagine Tonks with the short bubblegum pink hair and Dudley Dursley as this huge blonde boy aaaand, in my head, all the adult characters are much younger (recently realised that Harry’s parents actually died at the age of 21, always knew but didn’t really sink in how young that was until I reached that age.) Anyway, Harry I imagine as being this really skinny pale kid with messy black hair and bright green eyes. Hermione isn’t as pretty as Emma Watson and Ron is this tall freckly boy.

Right, I was going to go on and write about Sherlock Holmes next but I’ve written too much anyway and I really don’t think any of this is actually what the tutors meant when they say we have to write a journal of writing influences e.t.c. Better go and do something productive with my day off (apparently there’s a strike).

See you,

Amy

xxxx